LONG TIME
Mags the MAGA, his wife, Maggy, and thirty-something daughter, Magnet, called me this week. Not sure why the MAGA’s bother with me. They must have a need to periodically bash someone they consider to be a “misguided liberal.” See for yourself.
TWO: Hello, Mags.
MAGS: Hey, Opine. Maggy and Magnet are on the line, too. How’d you know it was me?
TWO: Caller ID. I have caller ID. What’s up? How are you all doing?
MAGS: How do you think we’re doing? Inflation is higher than a Detroit drug dealer. Even that dope Obama didn’t make inflation this high. And Biden’s war in Ukraine is still going on. And Mexican immigrants got around that flimsy wall Biden built with his Build Back Better b.s. and they ended up at that liberal hell-hole Martha’s Vineyard.
TWO: Boy, you sure are a revisionist.
MAGGY: My husband is not a boy and he’s not a racist!
TWO: I didn’t say Mags is racist. I said revisionist.
MAGS: I heard the Obama’s turned Martha’s Vineyard into a ghetto like where they came from in Chicago.
TWO: Martha’s Vineyard is not a ghetto and the migrants originated in Venezuela. Then they were shipped by Florida’s Governor from Texas, to Florida and South Carolina, before they arrived in Massachusetts. And the Ukraine war was started by Trump’s BFF Vladimir Putin. Mags, please stop the revisionist crap.
MAGS: I may be a lot of things, but I am not a racist. I work with a guy who is Black.
TWO: Oh, brother. How long have you worked with him?
MAGS: For over 20 years. I even took a coffee break with him about 10 years ago. He was involved with negotiating against union bozos. I thought he had the potential to be like that Supreme Court guy, what’s his name, Clem Thompson?
TWO: You mean Justice Clarence Thomas?
MAGNET: He’s kinda cute, too.
MAGS: Magnet!
TWO: What’s your co-worker’s name?
MAGS: His name is Darnell.
MAGNET: I thought it’s Purnell?
MAGS: Don’t you think I know the guy’s name since I work with him and take coffee breaks with him?
TWO: One coffee break, a decade ago, hardly qualifies as coffee breaks plural.
MAGS: Here’s what I can tell you.
TWO: I didn’t ask…
MAGS: I can tell you he missed a lot of work around the time of the presidential election. I think he was involved with stealing the election. He rented a U-haul truck about that time.
MAGGY: He claimed he was moving into a new home. But he was probably hauling stolen votes from one place to another.
MAGS: Yea, and somebody told me he went around knocking on people’s doors.
MAGGY: Probably checking to see if anyone was home so he could steal their vote.
TWO: Maybe he was doing what’s known as canvassing, reaching out to make sure people were registered to vote and knew where the nearest polling location was.
MAGS: Man, you make a lot of excuses for criminal activity. You don’t even know the guy. I’m friends with him.
TWO: A cup of coffee ten years ago does not make you his friend.
MAGGY: Mr. Opine, do not try to choose my husband’s friends for him.
MAGS: Honey, don’t bother with this cheap, liberal nobody. Goodbye, Opine.
TWO: So sorry I answered your call.
© 2022 Douglas Freeland / The Weekly Opine. All rights reserved. Mags the MAGA, Maggy the MAGA and Magnet the MAGA are the intellectual property of Douglas Freeland / The Weekly Opine. All rights reserved.