MOD MAGS
Earlier this week, minding my own business while daydreaming pleasant thoughts about spring (only two months away), I received a phone call from Mags the MAGA and his wife Maggy. The conversation was eye-popping.
TWO: Hello, Mags.
MAGS: I wouldn’t have minded if you just said “hell” because that’s what it feels like. How’d you know it was me?
TWO: Caller ID. I have caller ID. What, are you having a heatwave in Texas?
MAGS: No, dummy, hell is what is happening in this country. We’re all going to hell.
TWO: Speak for yourself.
MAGS: I am speaking. Who do you think this is, Mac the Knife?
TWO: You sound upset.
MAGS: Well, I had to get boostereded.
TWO: Boostereded? You got boosted?
MAGS: Yea, that’s right, I took that shot and got boostereded. I don’t recall which one it was. The lady asked which one I needed, and I said whatever you got.
TWO: Oh, my.
MAGS: And she said they have all of ‘em. So, I says whichever is easiest. Give me any one of ‘em.
TWO: What did she give you?
MAGGY: She gave Mags the modern one.
TWO: The modern one?
MAGGY: Yea, whichever one is the hot, popular, in vogue one. You know, mod.
TWO: Moderna?
MAGGY: That’s it, the modern one. Mags didn’t want anything that’s out-of-date, I can’t remember all their names.
TWO: None of the vaccines are “out-of-date,” and all of them are effective against the coronavirus.
MAGS: Why do you always have a beef with my wife?
MAGGY: He’s an idiot that’s why.
TWO: Just saying that all the vaccines have proven effective at fighting the virus.
MAGS: What about that new variety, oh-my-crumb?
TWO: Yes, they’re effective against omicron. But you say you got boosted. When did you get the first two shots?
MAGS: I ain’t takin’ no three shots. I went straight to boostereded. Same thing you do when taking something for a headache. You don’t take two regular Tylenol and then take an Extra Strength Tylenol, do you?
MAGGY: Dumb Mr. Opine probably does but smart people go right to Extra Strength Tylenol.
TWO: Those are two entirely different scenarios. Mags, did you skip the first two doses?
MAGGY: My husband is no fool. He’s bootered so let it go!
TWO: Did you get a shot, too?
MAGGY: Are you kidding? I am not getting bootered. Mags only did it so we’d have a card to show if we want to go to a restaurant or see a show when travelling. Getting bootered is not for me.
TWO: Dang. OK, goodb…
MAGS: Do not hang up on my wife, liberal loser. We’ll do the hanging up.
TWO: What else is there?
MAGS: We thought you’d be happy for me, protected against oh-my-crumb.
TWO: I’m speechless.
MAGGY: Good, because you’ve been talking a lot so shush. Goodbye (click).
TWO: Well, now…
© 2022 Douglas Freeland / The Weekly Opine. All rights reserved. Mags the MAGA, Maggy the MAGA, and Magnet the MAGA are the intellectual property of Douglas Freeland / The Weekly Opine. All rights reserved.