MAGS THE MAGA
Introducing Mags the MAGA
I regularly read the late, great Pulitzer Prize newspaperman Mike Royko’s column. Those familiar with Royko recall he often wrote about hanging out at a corner tavern with an imagined character named Slats Grobnik.
In that spirit, The Weekly Opine (TWO) offers a conversation with a MAGA ‘acquaintence,’ named Mags the MAGA.
TWO: Hey Mags, got a question for you. The slogan started as “Make America Great Again” then became “Keep America Great” and now its “Transition to Greatness.” Has it ever occurred to you that Trump creates these slogans, puts them on merchandise, and then makes money selling you hats and t-shirts?
MAGS: What?
TWO: You brought your firearm today. Why?
MAGS: I take my gun ever’where. If I see one of them their coronavirus droplets, I’ll shoot it!
TWO: But you don’t wear a mask?
MAGS: Masks are for Halloween. And Friday late-night rallies.
TWO: Who won the last Super Bowl?
MAGS: I think it was the New England Patriots. Or maybe the Ottawa Rough Riders.
TWO: Actually, the Kansas City Chiefs won the Super Bowl.
MAGS: No way, no black quarterback has ever won the Super Bowl.
TWO: What about Doug Williams and Russell Wilson? Like Patrick Mahomes they won the Super Bowl.
MAGS: No they didn’t (pulls back his coat to reveal his gun).
TWO: Who was president before Trump?
MAGS: W. Bush.
TWO: What about Barack Obama?
MAGS: Yo mama! There ain’t been no black president. Before Trump it was George W.
TWO: So, who is the worst first lady of all time?
MAGS: Michelle Obama.
TWO: OK, how could that be since you just said Barack Obama was not president?
MAGS: Michelle Obama squatted in the White House for four years after W left.
TWO: You sure about that?
MAGS: What day of the week is it?
TWO: Thursday. Anything else?
MAGS: Yea. We’ll know the economy has recovered when the stock market number catches up to U.S. coronavirus deaths, probably in August.
TWO: The Dow is currently around 23,000. Forecasts say there will be 147,000 coronavirus deaths by early-August. Are you saying the Dow will reach 147,000 in August?
MAGS: If Trump says so!
TWO: Hmmm...
MAGS: Hmmmmmm...Oh, say can you see, by the dawn’s early light…
TWO: That’s enough Mags.
© 2020 Douglas Freeland / The Weekly Opine. All rights reserved. Mags the MAGA is the intellectual property of Douglas Freeland / The Weekly Opine. All rights reserved.