MAGS BUYS A CAR
Buying a car takes twists and turns (no pun intended) for the MAGA clan. (Photo credit The Weekly Opine)
Good deal or bad deal?
Mags the MAGA, Maggy the MAGA and their daughter, Magnet the MAGA, called again this week. Why do I keep answering their calls? Probably because their ignorance continues to amaze. Hopefully, they’ll leave me alone for two weeks while I’m on vacation.
TWO: Hello, Mags.
MAGS: Hi, we bought a new car.
TWO: Wow! A 2023?
MAGS: No, a used new car. A blue Chevy. A 2020. We almost didn’t buy the car.
TWO: Why not?
MAGS: Duh, because of the blue color and the year. I told the sales guy, give us a red 2019 or 2021, but not a blue 2020.
TWO: Why not a blue 2020?
MAGGY: Because, silly man, of what happened in 2020 when Democrats stole the election from Trump.
TWO: Here we go…
MAGS: But, in the spirit of stealing things, we decided to get a steal of a deal on a blue 2020 car.
TWO: Did you?
MAGGY: Of course, we did. The sales guy asked for our best offer and Mags said we’d only pay the sticker price.
TWO: OK, well, most car buyers never pay the sticker price.
MAGGY: We did. And we refused their offer of a 1-year warranty. My husband knows how to swing a deal.
TWO: I see, he’s a crack negotiator.
MAGS: I am. Instead of accepting their 1-year warranty, I waited until we got home and bought my own coverage.
TWO: You paid for a warranty rather than take a free year from the dealer?
MAGS: Yeah, I seen a CarShield commercial and that pretty blonde lady said your car will eventually break down. She was wearing a red dress - it was like she was looking me in the eye – and she says, “You need to call CarShield right now.” So, I picked up the phone and called right now.
TWO: Did she answer?
MAGS: I couldn’t tell if the lady who answered the phone was the spokeswoman or not.
MAGGY: Then Mags called another warranty company, too.
TWO: To get a second quote for comparison’s sake?
MAGS: No, to add more coverage.
TWO: Why on Earth?
MAGS: It’s good to have double coverage. Like the way NFL teams used to double cover that great Chinese wide receiver, what’s his name?
TWO: I don’t know who you’re talking about. I’m familiar with a Chinese former NBA player.
MAGNET: That guy was like, 8 feet tall. His name was Y’all Sing. He played in Texas.
MAGGY: That’s right. Y’all Sing was an NBA player. I think he played in Austin because he loves Governor Abbott.
TWO: His name is Yao Ming. He played for the Houston Rockets. And I doubt he likes Greg Abbott.
MAGS: NBA, NFL, they all look alike. But what was the Chinese football player’s name?
TWO: I have no idea.
MAGS: Sure you do. His name is a Chinese food.
MAGNET: Chopsticks?
MAGGY: No darling, chopsticks aren’t food, chopsticks are twigs used for eating fried rice.
MAGS: That’s it! The Chinese football player’s name was Jerry Rice!
TWO: Lord, have mercy. Jerry Rice is Black. An American.
MAGS: Jerry Rice may look Black, but with a name like Rice he’s obviously Chinese.
TWO: Where do you come up with this nonsense?
MAGS: He was so good the opposing team always double covered him. That’s why we double covered our car. It’s a good car. So, I called Endurance, too. We have CarShield and Endurance. Next week I’m going to Maaco to have the car painted red.
MAGGY: My man is smart! And I told Mags we should tell people the car is a 2019.
TWO: Why?
MAGGY: Because 2019 was a beautiful year. Trump was still in the White House, filling the Supreme Court with people of integrity like Clarence Thomas.
TWO: Trump did not appoint Thomas, that’s not right.
MAGGY: Rice. Jerry Rice.
MAGS: Who cares if Trump didn’t appoint Thomas? All them guys look alike. Clarence Thomas, Tim Scott and the cowboy hat-wearing sheriff from Milwaukee, Ben Carson. Who can tell them apart?
TWO: Apparently, not you. For the umpteenth time, the cowboy sheriff from Milwaukee is named David Clarke. Ben Carson was Trump’s Secretary of Housing.
MAGNET: That sheriff is soooo cute!
MAGS: Magnet!! Don’t you ever…
MAGNET: I never!
MAGGY: Don’t!
TWO: Oh, man, I gotta run. Have a nice day. Goodbye.
© 2023 Douglas Freeland / The Weekly Opine. All rights reserved. Mags the MAGA, Maggy the MAGA and Magnet the MAGA are the intellectual property of Douglas Freeland. All rights reserved.