TRIPPIN' IN D.C.
Mags the MAGA and his family explored D.C. ruins including the once lush Ellipse, the Reflecting Pool, and the JFK Performing Arts Center. (Photos credit: Facebook, Reuters, Reddit)
Crazy family vacay
Yesterday, the MAGA family, including Mags the MAGA, his wife Maggy the MAGA, and their 30-something daughter Magnet the MAGA, just back from a family vacation in Washington D.C., awakened me from an afternoon nap.
TWO: Sorry it took so long to answer the door. I was taking a nap.
MAGS: In the middle of the day?
TWO: Yep, that’s generally when people take naps.
MAGS: Low energy already? It’s only Monday.
TWO: The euphoria of last Thursday and Friday finally caught up with me.
MAGGY: You were in Europe last week? Who goes to Europe for just two days?
TWO: I said euphoria. I was on a high from the opening of the Obama Presidential Center, followed by Juneteenth celebrations.
MAGGY: He was stoned in Europe for two days!
MAGNET: I watched the Obama celebration on TV. I wanted to see John Legend perform. He’s so dreamy!
MAGS: Magnet!
TWO: How was your trip?
MAGS: Crazy.
TWO: Dare I ask why?
MAGGY: You’re speaking in Ebonics again. What kind of vocabulary is “dare I ask why?” Speak English.
TWO: What happened on your vacation?
MAGGY: What? We didn’t go to the Vatican. We wouldn’t go to Europe if you were there.
TWO: I said vacation, not Vatican. Your trip! What happened in D.C.?
MAGS: We attended the UFC fight. We bought tickets in the viewing area at The Ellipse.
TWO: Uh, tickets for The Ellipse were free, distributed via random drawing. How much did you pay?
MAGS: I don’t remember.
MAGGY: I don’t remember, either.
MAGNET: I remember. Three tickets cost $3,000. And for another $500 we got a Trump Bible. The scalper said all the proceeds would help pay Baron Trump’s college tuition.
TWO: Wow, $3,500.
MAGS: It was packed. I could barely watch the fights because I had to prevent “incels” – that’s the term for involuntarily celibate MAGA men who’ve never had a date and spend all their time in the basement surfing the internet – I had to keep the incels from hitting on Magnet. You shoulda seen…
TWO: Stop! Too much information.
MAGGY: The next day we went sightseeing.
MAGS: There was a huge tarp covering the front of the former JFK Arts Center, now former Trump-JFK Arts Center. Not sure what it’s called now.
TWO: Per a court ruling, it’s once again named the JFK Center for the Performing Arts.
MAGGY: There’s a tarp covering the front of the building. How do you know what it says?
TWO: Because a judge ruled…
MAGGY: Oh, be quiet!
MAGNET: The tarp is beautiful. White with blue stripes.
TWO: Speaking of blue, did you visit the Reflecting Pool?
MAGS: We did.
TWO: How’d it look?
MAGNET: It was gross.
MAGS: Magnet!
MAGGY: The Reflecting Pool is beautiful! Trump is a magician. It’s biblical, the way he turned clear blue water into murky green water.
TWO: Biblical?
MAGGY: Yes. Like Jesus turning a fish and loaf of bread into a feast that fed thousands of people. And for non-believers, Trump just announced he’s draining the pool again so he can repeat the feat!
TWO: You sound emotional.
MAGGY: You know nothing about me, Opine man, so hush. Go back to Europe!
MAGNET: I wanted to visit the African American Museum.
MAGS: Magnet!
TWO: It’s a beautiful building. I hear the museum is a moving experience.
MAGS: It should be moved to Harlem.
MAGGY: Or closed. They should cover it with a tarp.
TWO: You don’t really mean that.
MAGGY: For the last time Opine man, do not tell me what I mean.
MAGS: Let’s go. We never shoulda come here.
MAGGY: Go back to your nap, Opine man.
TWO: No way. I might have a nightmare that I’m in Europe with the MAGA family, kayaking on a murky green river.
© 2026 Douglas Freeland / The Weekly Opine. All rights reserved. Mags the MAGA, Maggy the MAGA, Magnet the MAGA, Maggot the MAGA and Magpie the MAGA are the intellectual property of Douglas Freeland. All rights reserved.