MOD SQUAD
Everybody can use an occasional boost. (Photo credit The Weekly Opine)
Getting with the program?
Earlier this week, minding my own business while daydreaming pleasant thoughts about spring (only two months away), I received a phone call from Mags the MAGA and his wife Maggy. The conversation was eye-popping.
TWO: Hello, Mags.
MAGS: I wouldn’t have minded if you just said “hell” because that’s what it feels like. How’d you know it was me?
TWO: Caller ID. I have caller ID. What, are you having a heatwave in Texas?
MAGS: No, dummy, hell is what is happening in this country. We’re all going to hell.
TWO: Speak for yourself.
MAGS: I am speaking. Who do you think this is, Mac the Knife?
TWO: You sound upset.
MAGS: Well, I had to get boostereded.
TWO: Boostereded? You got boosted?
MAGS: Yea, that’s right, I took that shot and got boostereded. I don’t recall which one it was. The lady asked which one I needed, and I said whatever you got.
TWO: Oh, my.
MAGS: And she said they have all of ‘em. So, I says whichever is easiest. Give me any one of ‘em.
TWO: What did she give you?
MAGGY: She gave Mags the modern one.
TWO: The modern one?
MAGGY: Yea, whichever one is the hot, popular, in vogue one. You know, mod.
TWO: Moderna?
MAGGY: That’s it, the modern one. Mags didn’t want anything that’s out-of-date, I can’t remember all their names.
TWO: None of the vaccines are “out-of-date,” and all of them are effective against the coronavirus.
MAGS: Why do you always have a beef with my wife?
MAGGY: He’s an idiot that’s why.
TWO: Just saying that all the vaccines have proven effective at fighting the virus.
MAGS: What about that new variety, oh-my-crumb?
TWO: Yes, they’re effective against omicron. But you say you got boosted. When did you get the first two shots?
MAGS: I ain’t takin’ no three shots. I went straight to boostereded. Same thing you do when taking something for a headache. You don’t take two regular Tylenol and then take an Extra Strength Tylenol, do you?
MAGGY: Dumb Mr. Opine probably does but smart people go right to Extra Strength Tylenol.
TWO: Those are two entirely different scenarios. Mags, did you skip the first two doses?
MAGGY: My husband is no fool. He’s bootered so let it go!
TWO: Did you get a shot, too?
MAGGY: Are you kidding? I am not getting bootered. Mags only did it so we’d have a card to show if we want to go to a restaurant or see a show when travelling. Getting bootered is not for me.
TWO: Dang. OK, goodb…
MAGS: Do not hang up on my wife, liberal loser. We’ll do the hanging up.
TWO: What else is there?
MAGS: We thought you’d be happy for me, protected against oh-my-crumb.
TWO: I’m speechless.
MAGGY: Good, because you’ve been talking a lot so shush. Goodbye (click).
TWO: Well, now…
© 2022 Douglas Freeland / The Weekly Opine. Mags the MAGA, Maggy the MAGA, and Magnet the MAGA are the intellectual property of Douglas Freeland. All rights reserved.