VACCINATED!
Even some MAGAs who called the coronavirus a hoax are showing up at vaccination sites. (Photo credit The Weekly Opine)
Mags the MAGA steps up
Last Saturday, after getting my second dose of the Pfizer vaccine, I bumped into Mags the MAGA in the parking lot at the vaccination site. It was a total surprise, considering he just moved his family to Texas last month. As usual, my conversation with Mags, his wife Maggy, and their daughter Magnet was enlightening, if not downright peculiar.
TWO: Mags the MAGA, at a vaccination site? I never…
MAGS: Save your breath, choirboy. I’m here, aren’t I?
TWO: All the way from Texas.
MAGS: Been here for three weeks. Texas is trying to suppress voting rights and Magnet said - she keeps up on these things - that Texas is suppressing vaccination sites, too.
TWO: Oh, boy…
MAGS: Just think about it. “Vote” and “vaccine” both begin with the letter “v.” Texas is suppressing v-words. So, I told the family to get in the car and we made the drive back to Illinois.
TWO: OMG!
MAGS: More like, OM V-words. That’s why we came here immediately, before Texas decides to suppress vacations.
TWO: Whew! OK, the last time we talked, you emphatically stated no one in the MAGA family would get vaccinated. Not you, not your wife, not your daughter.
MAGS: You have a big mouth.
TWO: And a good memory. What changed your mind?
MAGS: To be honest, Easter Sunday changed my mind. Last year, Trump and Pence said church pews would be packed come Easter. And it never happened. I thought, surely this year church pews will be packed on Easter Sunday. Didn’t happen.
TWO: Where is your family?
MAGS: Maggy and Magnet are waiting in the car. I’m playing Guinea pig. If all goes well for me they might get vaccinated sometime down the road.
TWO: Hmmm, if this were baseball one out of three would be a great batting average. But it’s not baseball it’s life. We need 100% of eligible Americans to get vaccinated.
MAGS: OK big shot, come over to my car and tell them yourself.
TWO: Gladly.
MAGS: Honey, you remember Mr. Opine?
MAGGY: Unfortunately.
MAGNET: Oh, I thought he’s that sportscaster, Mike Tirico.
TWO: Hi ladies. Not getting vaccinated today?
MAGGY: Hell to the no, not a chance. I don’t believe it’s a real vaccine - just a hoax like the virus is a hoax. They’re probably injecting water into your arm.
MAGNET: Or bleach.
TWO: OH-kay. You realize well over 560,000 Americans are dead because of COVID-19? You do know your boy Trump broke down and got himself vaccinated?
MAGS: Hey, do not talk to my wife like she’s some sort of ignoramus. She knows what time it is.
MAGGY: Honey, I forgot to wear my watch today. What time is it?
MAGNET: It’s time for breakfast, I’m hungry.
TWO: Priceless.
MAGNET: Are they giving away free breakfast here, too?
MAGS: Figures. We’re in Illinois you know. Another example of people taking handouts, getting something for free. You liberals do not work for anything! Always walking around with your hands out, waiting for the government to give you stuff.
TWO: Right now, the government is giving out vaccinations. The sooner everyone gets vaccinated, the sooner we get back to living again.
MAGGY: You want to live? You should move to Texas. We are living it up in Texas!
TWO: No thanks, you can have that.
MAGNET: Have what? Free breakfast? I’ll have a Belgian waffle and rye bread lightly toasted. And pork sausage. Pork sausage is big in Texas.
MAGS: Everything is big in Texas!
TWO: Listen folks, I gotta move on. See ya.
MAGNET: You moving to Texas? We have a spare room.
TWO: Ha! No, thanks.
© 2021 Douglas Freeland / The Weekly Opine